The View From New Harmony
Beneath my desk is an electric heater intended to keep my feet warm, while I mull and fret and tap away at my keyboard. The heater has an assortment of possible settings, the most dauntingly complicated of which is a timer setting. The complexity of the timer setting is roughly equivalent to trying to do math exercises using only Japanese characters. One of the many possible choices on the timer setting is to disable the timer, so that the heater runs continuously, until the thermostat (another separate setting) temporarily shuts the heater off, until more heat is needed, then turns the heat back on.
Setting the thermostat is wonderfully simple, you just move a little lever left or right to decrease or increase the temp setting. It is pretty clear to me, that since the thermostat setting controls the heat, that the timer, besides being Einstein level complex, is totally unnecessary.
The kicker is, that if the timer is not set in some manner acceptable to the design of the heater, nothing else works. No proper timer setting, no heat for you, Bucko.
I have been struggling with setting or disabling the timer for weeks now. My best efforts have produced heat that comes and goes erratically on some mysterious cycle completely unconnected to my need for warm feet. The bastard heater comes on and goes off at will, and has defied me to do anything about it.
Three A.M. this morning found me sitting in my underwear in my dim office, with the approximately seventy four pound heater balanced precariously on m lap and a heavy tactical flashlight tucked under my chin for illumination, and struggling to set the timer while reading the gibberish instructions on the manufacturers cheesy made in China website. I had been at this project, for about two hours, when rage at the metaphorical machine overcame me and I hauled off and whacked the heater directly across the timer control with the heavy tactical flashlight previously tucked under my chin for lighting.
Immediately upon being struck this heavy blow with the flashlight, the timer was disabled and the heater magically came on. That was about eight hours ago, and since then, the bastardly defiant heater has been running smoothly and going on and off at the instructions of its THERMOSTAT, and the evil and complex timer may go to Hell!
This is not only a major victory for mankind over mechanical devices, but it also reaffirms my life long belief in the efficacy of brute force over rebellious small appliances. Let me find my mallet, and we shall unstick the freaking toaster.
Posted from New Harmony, Indiana by Ron Nesler
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